Absolutely! We believe God’s original design and intent for marriage is best illustrated in the first two chapters of Genesis. We find no suggestion of male authority or superiority in these passages. On the contrary, male and female were both created in the image of God and co-commissioned to be fruitful, subdue, and rule – co-laboring with God and each other to fulfill their mandate. We strongly believe that the marriage relationship was meant to be based on a mutual and reciprocal commitment to each other in which each partner is equally responsible for its success or failure. Equal, however, does not mean identical. Each person is a unique individual with their own particular set of strengths and weaknesses. Because of this, they will have diverse, and sometimes, overlapping roles within the marriage. These roles, and the resulting division of labor that develops from them, will be unique to each individual couple, and based, not on gender expectations, but on a symbiotic blending of the individual strengths and weaknesses of the two partners.

There is much controversy over the issue of headship in marriage and whether the husband has a unique leadership role and ultimate authority over his wife. While male headship is clearly prescribed in passages such as 1 Cor 11:3 and Eph 5:23, we must ask two questions of the text: (1) What did this mean for Paul and his 1st century audience? (2) Were these instructions intended to be universally applied to all marriages for all time, or were they conditioned by circumstances unique to that particular time, setting, and culture?

With regard to the meaning of headship, there is growing support for an alternative interpretation that argues that the use of head as a metaphor in these passages would best be understood to mean “source” as opposed to authority. Here the husband is seen as the sustainer and provider of his wife; the source of her love, wellbeing, and livelihood. This understanding of headship fits with the creation story and the unity of the one flesh union found in Gen 2, but also the cultural and socioeconomic setting of Paul’s original audience – where uneducated women in a fiercely patriarchal society with no means of survive on their own were often given in marriage as early as 14 years of age to a man as much as 10-20 years her senior. The cultural conditions have obviously changed dramatically in the last 2,000 years. Nevertheless, this interpretation is not convincing to all traditionalists, therefore we must look to the question of universal application.

In this regard it’s essential that we allow scripture to interpret scripture by looking at the overarching narrative of the Bible as well as the “redemptive movement” of scripture. This grand storyline follows God and humanity’s triumphant journey from Creation, the Fall, Redemption, to Restoration of all that was once lost. It is our position that a hierarchical authority structure was never part of God’s original plan for marriage. Male-based authority was not introduced until Gen 3 as a direct result of humanity’s fallen condition. It was a consequence of original sin, and an aspect of the curse that followed. But the redemptive work of Christ has set us free from the curse and positioned us to co-labor with God to restore the mutuality, equality, and one-flesh unity of the original design for marriage.

This interpretive strategy leads us to conclude that, while these passages were once applicable and appropriate for the churches in Corinth and Ephesus (as were the commands for women to cover their head and keep quite in church), they are neither authoritative for us today, nor do they reflect God’s ultimate intent for the marriage relationship. See the related discussion on the redemptive movement of scripture at the bottom of this page.

We believe that God’s original design for marriage was to be a lifetime covenant between one man and one woman. In most cases, divorce is a reflection of the hardness of the heart of one or both spouses and is therefore outside of God’s will. While the New Testament allows for divorce in certain situations, we believe that all troubled marriages, regardless of the circumstances, can be saved when both parties yield themselves to the redemptive power of the Holy Spirit and are committed to embark on the journey towards restoration.

Having said that, we believe it’s equally wrong to force an individual to remain in an unsafe marriage that threatens the physical and emotional health of spouse and children. Divorce in these situations, while tragic, is sometimes unavoidable.

We generally avoid labels and being defined by a definition; finding the constraints of being “boxed in” to be restraining and limiting – hence the name, Marriage Out Of The Box! However, the current gender debates in marriage seem to revolve around two competing camps, complementarian vs egalitarian, with the majority of people tending to fall on one or the other side of the dividing line.

In general, the egalitarian (or biblical equality) position maintains that gender alone affords neither special privileges or limitations to a person’s ability to be used to advance the kingdom or glorify God in any capacity of ministry, society, or family. There is no gender bias in the areas of leadership and authority, and the opportunities both are equally available based on personal giftings. In other words, there is no God-ordained hierarchy that is based on gender alone. This is because both men and women are made equally in God’s image and likeness (Gen 1:27), are equally fallen (Rom 3:23), equally redeemed by the finished work of Christ (Jn 3:16), equally participants in the new covenant community (Gal 3:28), equally heirs of God in Christ (1 Pet 3:7), equally able to be filled by the Holy Spirit for life and ministry (Acts 2:17), and in marriage specifically, equally called to a relationship defined by mutual submission out of reverence for Christ (Eph 5:21).

There are numerous ‘grounds’ for divorce, but we don’t really focus on that. What we focus on is the question, “what can be overcome in a marriage that will make it stronger and be a marriage that will in turn strengthen the marriages of others in crisis?”

If someone is looking for a ‘grounds’ for divorce, they are typically already half-way out the door. But those that are looking for someone to help them get to the other side of their pain, those are the people we are looking to help.

One of the most enlightening ways to consider the issue of gender equality is to examine the biblical parallels that exist with the practice of slavery. Of particular importance is to recognize the progressive revelation between Old and New Testaments that plots a redemptive movement “trajectory” that points toward God’s ultimate ethical standard for the treatment of human beings.

No reasonable modern Christian would condone the practice of slavery. In fact, not only is it uniformly condemned today, but many Christians would feel compelled to involve themselves in efforts to bring about its abolition. Fortunately, that has already been accomplished, and it was Christians, arguing biblical principles, that were at the forefront of the movement. It may be surprising then to discover that the inspired Word of God never openly condemns slavery. Some critics of the faith would go so far as to say that by recognizing it as an acceptable practice in the cultural setting of the time, the Bible actually gives tacit approval of the institution. We would strongly disagree with that claim and ask you to allow the redemptive movement found in scripture to inform us of God’s ultimate ethical standard.

The status of slaves outside of Israel in Old Testament times was beyond horrific. There were virtually no restrictions to the evils that could be performed against them, as in many cases they weren’t even considered human. The numerous Old Testament laws, while falling far short of the ultimate ethic, began to afford slaves a certain level of rights, dignity, and protection. A radical improvement in their situation came in the New Testament as slaves were given the equal opportunity of salvation, and the relationship between master and slave was transformed into “brothers in Christ.” While slavery was never openly condemned, there is a clear and identifiable movement toward the ultimate ethical standard of God. It is only reasonable and logical that Christians should have continued to follow this course toward eventual abolition. Can anyone argue, that while not spelled out by the “letter” of scripture, that the “spirit” of scripture lead to God’s will being carried out by Christians who were willing to follow the course laid out by this redemptive movement toward the realization of its divinely intended conclusion? It should be noted that the opponents of the abolitionist movement used the “letter” of scripture and the Bible’s apparent acceptance of the practice as the backbone of their argument to retain the institution; a position that would be uniformly considered as flawed today.

The parallels between the slavery issue and gender equality should be obvious, even to the untrained eye. The status of women outside of Israel was only marginally better than that of slaves. Old Testament law, while falling far short of the ultimate ethic, provided an improved level of rights and protection. Like was the case with slavery, the New Testament saw a radical elevation of the status of women that resulted in no small degree of growing pains in the early church. While the deeply entrenched patriarchy was not dissolved, shades of equality and mutuality were seen breaking through the previously impenetrable barriers. This propelled the issue of gender equality further along the course toward the ultimate ethical standard. We believe it’s only logical for modern day Christians to continue to build upon the forward momentum established by this redemptive movement and see the full inclusion of women into positions of leadership and authority within the church and home.

For there is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

We have personally experienced the pain of divorce, and what it does to your children, as well as the struggles of overcoming what seems to be insurmountable pain in your marriage. We tell everyone that no matter what you choose, to divorce or to work things out, you have a mountain to climb. Do not believe the lie that divorce is a fresh start, it is simply just a different mountain to climb and will take you in a very different direction. You are already part way up this current mountain, and we are here to be part of your climbing team. You will not forge this climb ahead alone. We have been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and can tell you all about the amazing views from the top of this beautiful mountain called marriage and family.